Finishing The Race

Pursuing God One Shin Splint at a Time

Unsettled Summer

It’s been quiet on our blog lately.  Which means it’s crazy busy in real life.

It’s raining outside and our sprinkler is on in the yard. It doesn’t make sense and I’m sure California is hating me right now.

Yet this is how my summer seems so far…not quite clicking along yet and “off” schedule.

As a teacher, and as a person with school-aged kiddos, I anticipate summer. Big time.

I remember as a kid how long, lazy, and fun summers seemed to be. We think it will feel the same as adults, but it doesn’t. Honestly, I’m finding it hard to get in the “groove” of our summer.

Don’t get me wrong, we are enjoying ourselves…

PicMonkey Collage

But when it comes to my personal goals they seem to have taken a vacation to a land far, far away.

And my important grownup activities like cleaning the house, reading my bible and grocery shopping decided to take a summer break, too.

Where is all that discipline I had back in January with those 4:00am runs? Definitely not to be found on this humid June day. “Let’s just eat ice cream for lunch okay, kids?” “Stop using bathroom words!” “Quit poking your baby brother in the eye!” Yeah, that’s about where I am right now.

And that’s why I feel unsettled. Someone has to be the grownup. And I guess that’s me.

I should know by now how change affects me. I’ve had a lot of it in my thirty something years. Each season has its own rhythm and I feel uneasy until I allow myself to go along with it.

I want to intentionally let my perfectionism and expectations go in order to find our summer’s ebb and flow.

The kids seem to be riding well on the waves, it’s me who needs to let go and let God drive the boat.

He wants me to enjoy the gifts He has planned for each day and I want to surrender my will to Him. My will tends to strive and anxiously try to “fix” local and world problems…His Spirit whispers gently to me, “That’s my job. You just need to obey what I’ve brought before you today.” I feel my shoulders drop a bit and my breathing slows as I let His peace show me the way.

Okay, so today it might mean cleaning this closet. Or serving a person in need a few blocks away. Or sipping ice tea as the kids argue over enjoy water guns. Or hitting “publish” on an imperfect post.

And we will also have the get-through-the-day days as well. When those come, I hope to count my blessings and accept God’s never ending grace as I fall wearily into bed. I’ll hope to say prayer preparing my heart as God leads us into a new day. New mercies.

As I banged this post out on the keyboard the downpour stopped and the sun decided to break through the grey…maybe I’ll give myself permission and grace to see this moment as a new start. Just go with His flow. He will direct our paths.

I have a feeling we will find the groove of summer. It may not be what I envisioned, but it will be the only summer I’ll have with 8, 5, and 15 month old kiddos so I want to  embrace it!

Now to plan dinner…snow cones or popsicles?

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“I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.” Philippians 4:12-13 msg

3 Comments

  1. Amen, sister! The exact words and lessons for my summer as well. Thankful for you.

  2. Wow Bonnie! This is exactly how I’ve been feeling this summer. Thank you for helping me feel so normal.

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